Hi again! Did you enjoy the list? I hope some of my personal top ten Creepypasta stories scared or entertained you, but you know what can be even more scary and entertaining?
The bad ones. The really awful, horrific, almost anti-Creepypasta stories that, intentional or not, suck total arse.
They’re scary. But in a different way. In a way that affects you a lot more than an actually scary story… it hits home harder than you’d think. Look at the atrocious grammar. The way in which they fail to address certain plot points and leave gaping holes in their alleged story. The way in which they jump from supernatural concept to concept with no regard to the reader’s tolerance.
Without further ado, here are the best ten anti-Creepypasta stories I’ve found while looking for the real deal.
Disclaimers: These stories’ titles are emboldened and underlined, but do not link to their place of origin. Don’t worry, you’ll get the full story–they’re short, sweet, and to the point. Also, these stories will be in italics, and will be copied and pasted, atrocious grammar and all. Enjoy.
10) Topsoil
This story is an environmentalist’s nightmare. Its place of origin is on a Reddit thread, and boy did it scare everyone witless:
“Someone told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around a campfire and no one got scared.”
The fact is that this is scary and deserves to be told around every campfire in America. This is scarier than any smiling pair of twins, any muddy boogeyman, and any demon baby. This is reality.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
The execution is not so important as the message. Use it as the ultimate one-up story. Right after your friend finishes their story–“And they were never seen again…!” just butt in and say “You know what disappeared, never to be seen again? Topsoil.” No one will be sleeping that night. No one.
9) Wrong Number
A crucial part of this story is the “OP” — original poster. This story has been told in many forms, but the form we see today exists thanks to Yahoo! Answers user “Turkey Sammich,” AKA spinner of scary masterpieces.
“The phone rang, a kid picked up the phone said hello. The voice on the other end said……’Sorry, wrong number.’ ”
Chilling. Absolutely chilling, Mr. Turkey Sammich.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
Turn on your scary voice, and slow everything down. Convey the sheer horror that kid exudes when picking up the phone… “Hello…?” he asks, as if he is confronting the most heinous man on the planet. “The voice on the other end said…” Keep everyone in suspense. Pause to achieve the maximum effect, but don’t pause for too long or else everyone will think that you forgot what the voice is supposed to say. “Sorry, wrong number.” And then just start screaming.
8) The Story of Fidgety Philip
How many times have you heard a story where the protagonist is only ever described as “fidgety”? Probably never. Straight out of Der Struwwelpeter, The Story of Fidgety Philip has scared innocent little German kids since the 19th freaking century. It’s a cleverly disguised wives’ tale that is aimed at keeping children from being little brats.
It details “a boy who won’t sit still at dinner who accidentally knocks all of the food onto the floor, to his parents’ great displeasure.”
This is by far the creepiest freaking “wives’ tale” I’ve ever read. It’s such a cliffhanger! What course of action will the parents take? Will they string him up by his ears? Will they perform psychological malpractices such as EST and lobotomy? Will they lethally inject him? Who the hell knows?
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
Man, really make this story your own. Embellish a little. “Little Philip exclaimed ‘Oh, heavens!’ and accidentally knocked his bowl of sauerkraut all over the bearskin carpet. The small countryside shack suddenly took on an unpredictably dark atmosphere, and his parents’ brows simultaneously furrowed. ‘Philip,’ they said in eerie unison. ‘You have caused us great displeasure…’ ”
7) Then Who Was Phone?
This story is an Internet classic that was created in response to the surge of thrilling, entertaining Creepypastas a few years ago. It doesn’t disappoint:
“So ur wid yo honi and ur makin out wen the phone ringz. U ansr it n da voice sayz “wut r u doin wit ma daughter?” u tel ur girl n she say “ma dad is ded.” THEN WHO WAS PHONE?”
Once you get past the fact that this story is only barely intelligible, you realize that the shock factor runs deep. This is a story that will cause all you happy campers to break out in a decidedly cold sweat.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
It’s hard incorporating bad grammar into real-world speech, but with a little practice you can translate your forced dyslexia into a severe handicap on your story-telling ability. Talk like you suck at talking, but maintain the undertone of grave importance. After saying “ma dad is ded,” rise slowly from your seat and look around at all of your listeners, and then quietly whisper “… then who was phone?”
6) The Bully
This story was found while reading some of what Stephanie Springer had to say on the subject of scary stories that suck. I think this story tends to shine above its peers–it falls into the archetype of the tormented protagonist.
“The protagonist was a little boy who was being picked on by a girl bully. He got her in trouble and then she threatened to make him pay. Kate never got the chance. She suddenly got sick and died.”
Sure, there’s more to the story, but why not just end it there? A bully torments a kid and then gets sick and dies! That’s pretty damn scary, innit? Karma, that’s what I say. Taken to an extreme. That’s the scary part. Hey, don’t tease that kid about his glasses or you’ll freakin’ die.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
“Once there was a little boy who was picked on by a little girl,” you say. “And do any of you know what happened to the little girl?” Watch as they all shake their heads. You lean in to the fire a little, illuminating your face. “The little brat freaking got sick and died.”
5) Russian-fied Stories
Don’t ask me where they started or if they’ve ended, but sometimes it works to take a classic campfire story and tell it again, just from the point of view of a Russian man. Rework a few key plot points, make the setting Moscow, and you’re in business.
“You are home to watch Pravda on televisir about degenerate murderer who is on the loose. You look out the window door to beet field, and you notice Man standing in the snow. He look like foto on televisir and he smile at you. You gulp vodka, picking up fone to your right and dialing Local Militia Precinct Commissar. Back out the glass you look, pressing fone to ear. Notice he now closer to you. You drop vodka in shock.No footprints in snow. It was reflection. You dullard! Your apartment is bulldozed down to make way for glorious tractor factory.”
See? Just as thrilling as the original if not more so! And the ending change heightens the Russian experience.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
I don’t have a good Russian accent, but assuming you do, just make sure you remember the acronym “KGB” — Kiev, Gulag, and Booze. Three words that should probably be in your story.
4) The Heron
This story has stuck with me for quite some time. Out of all the punishments promised at the end of scary stories, The Heron’s threat is by far the most bizarre and bloodcurdling.
“I am a heron. I have a long neck and I pick fish out of the water with my beak. If you don’t repost this comment on 10 other pages, I will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans.”
But that’ll take forever to clean up!
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
The Heron is your ticket. Talk him up a lot. Become the heron. “I have a long neck,” you say, “and I pick fish out of the water… with my beak.” That feat in itself is astonishing. But by golly if your campmates don’t reblog your post at least ten times, you’ll make a huge ass mess of their pots and pans–really drive home that point. It’s all about being in character for this one.
3) John Stalvern
This story surfaced on Reddit as well, and a casual commenter remarked that he had kept reading in the hopes that it would end half as well as it started, but slowly degraded into a horrifically shitty story. That’s why it’s up here.
“John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn’t see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad “I want to be on the ships daddy.” Dad said “No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS” There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons. “This is Joson” the radio crackered. “You must fight the demons!” So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall. “HE GOING TO KILL US” said the demons “I will shoot at him” said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill. “No! I must kill the demons” he shouted The radio said “No, John. You are the demons” And then John was a zombie.”
This is Dead Space gone freaking apeshit. Not only is John Stalvern fighting zombies–he’s fighting demons. And I think Stalvern is a protagonist that–can it be?–we can relate to! I fight zombie demons on a daily basis, and I aspire to be a ship base protector for the space fleet of… Cernel… Joson…
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
Well this one’s got the potential to be fantastic, but you’ve really got to capture that space feeling. Exude that atmosphere. There are blaring alarms, ceaseless sirens, and the air is thick with anxiety. The airlock doors are losing their pressurization and all around you, demons are gathering to bring about your certain demise. Tell them what happens to John Stalvern. Tell them.
2) The Gypsy Blood Girl’s Ghost Host
This story is told in the cult-style of “numerous spelling mistakes” and is clearly better off for doing so. It is a tragic story told from a third-party perspective.
“Well you see, my best friend lives down the street and her family comes from a bad bad I guess you could say. Her mother has gypsy blood in her. Her mother has connections to spirits and very strong senses. She is not phycic though. My friends brother use to talk to a spirit when he was little but my friend was not like that. Now though she is like that. For the past week she has been telling me how she fears she is going crazy but i’m telling her she’s just pariniod. This fear she has all started when evertime she takes a bath the lights flicker. This sounds crazy too, but she fears she is being watched all the time and her cat acts weird. So lat night she was up around 2 in the night and went to bed. She heard a noise and freaked out and noticed that a picture of her was missing. When she went over to look the picture had scratches on it and was burned at the bottom. She was crying telling me this and showed me the picture. She is a ghost host you see, and the spirit obviously does not like her. This doesn’t sound scary but imagine it happended to your friend. I can’t believe it, like I fell this is not real but it is. Believe it if you want, it doesn’t matter to me.”
Imagine if this happended to your friend. Just imagine it. This is a crazy, roller coaster ride of a tale that is sure to bring your campmates to the brink of insanity, no less. They will literally go fetal by the end. I did.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
Enunciate the spelling mistakes because they add to the story. “She is not phycic though.” “She’s just pariniod.” “Evertime she takes a bath the lights flicker.” And please, oh please, get the attitude right at the end. Hold up a hand and say, mustering up every ounce of your sass, “Believe it if you want, it doesn’t matter to me.”
1) The Day Of All The Blood
This story was written by a seven year old and it tops everything everyone has done ever. It made me wet my pants with feelings that I couldn’t properly identify.
“THIS IS THE STORY OF A DAY WHERE THERE WAS ALL THIS BLOOD. A MAN WAS WALKING AROUND AND BLOOD STARTED COMING OUT OF HIM EVERYWHERE. THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD THAT IT FILLED UP AN ELEVATOR. HE WENT TO THE STORE AND THERE WAS JUST BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE! PEOPLE WERE SLIPPING IN IT AND THEY WERE ALL GROSSED OUT. HE TRIED TO GO SWIMMING AND ALL OF THE SHARKS WENT NUTS AND BITTENED EVERYBODY. HE GOT CHASED BY ALL THE VAMPIRES EVER. ONE TIME THE BLOOD GOT A KID AND A DOG. AT THE END OF THE DAY EVERYONE DECIDED THEY WOULD SEND HIM TO SPACE SO THAT HE WOULD STOP GETTING BLOOD EVERY WHERE. THE SCARIEST PART IS THAT THE MAN WAS YOU!!! (OR HE WAS A LADY IF YOU ARE A LADY) AND YOU FORGOT THAT THIS HAPPENED”
And you forgot this happened…? Think about it. That could be anyone of us. Any one of you readers could have experienced these traumatic events and completely forgotten about them. This is a master work in horror and deserves to fill the top spot on this list, undoubtedly.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
Talk like you’re speaking in all caps, and by that I mean scream. From the very moment you begin to the moment you end, maintain the same decibel range–stay in the neighborhood of 90-120. Shout in your campmates’ ears. And on the last line, take note that there is technically no period, and that means that your sentence is never over. So let your words, your tone, your message ring constantly in their ears, and let them experience true terror like no one has ever felt it before.
Thanks so much for reading!
-Thom
aestheism, not atheism.
aestheism 
Top Ten Anti-Creepypasta Stories
Hi again! Did you enjoy the list? I hope some of my personal top ten Creepypasta stories scared or entertained you, but you know what can be even more scary and entertaining?
The bad ones. The really awful, horrific, almost anti-Creepypasta stories that, intentional or not, suck total arse.
They’re scary. But in a different way. In a way that affects you a lot more than an actually scary story… it hits home harder than you’d think. Look at the atrocious grammar. The way in which they fail to address certain plot points and leave gaping holes in their alleged story. The way in which they jump from supernatural concept to concept with no regard to the reader’s tolerance.
Without further ado, here are the best ten anti-Creepypasta stories I’ve found while looking for the real deal.
Disclaimers: These stories’ titles are emboldened and underlined, but do not link to their place of origin. Don’t worry, you’ll get the full story–they’re short, sweet, and to the point. Also, these stories will be in italics, and will be copied and pasted, atrocious grammar and all. Enjoy.
10) Topsoil
This story is an environmentalist’s nightmare. Its place of origin is on a Reddit thread, and boy did it scare everyone witless:
“Someone told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around a campfire and no one got scared.”
The fact is that this is scary and deserves to be told around every campfire in America. This is scarier than any smiling pair of twins, any muddy boogeyman, and any demon baby. This is reality.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
The execution is not so important as the message. Use it as the ultimate one-up story. Right after your friend finishes their story–“And they were never seen again…!” just butt in and say “You know what disappeared, never to be seen again? Topsoil.” No one will be sleeping that night. No one.
9) Wrong Number
A crucial part of this story is the “OP” — original poster. This story has been told in many forms, but the form we see today exists thanks to Yahoo! Answers user “Turkey Sammich,” AKA spinner of scary masterpieces.
“The phone rang, a kid picked up the phone said hello. The voice on the other end said……’Sorry, wrong number.’ ”
Chilling. Absolutely chilling, Mr. Turkey Sammich.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
Turn on your scary voice, and slow everything down. Convey the sheer horror that kid exudes when picking up the phone… “Hello…?” he asks, as if he is confronting the most heinous man on the planet. “The voice on the other end said…” Keep everyone in suspense. Pause to achieve the maximum effect, but don’t pause for too long or else everyone will think that you forgot what the voice is supposed to say. “Sorry, wrong number.” And then just start screaming.
8) The Story of Fidgety Philip
How many times have you heard a story where the protagonist is only ever described as “fidgety”? Probably never. Straight out of Der Struwwelpeter, The Story of Fidgety Philip has scared innocent little German kids since the 19th freaking century. It’s a cleverly disguised wives’ tale that is aimed at keeping children from being little brats.
It details “a boy who won’t sit still at dinner who accidentally knocks all of the food onto the floor, to his parents’ great displeasure.”
This is by far the creepiest freaking “wives’ tale” I’ve ever read. It’s such a cliffhanger! What course of action will the parents take? Will they string him up by his ears? Will they perform psychological malpractices such as EST and lobotomy? Will they lethally inject him? Who the hell knows?
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
Man, really make this story your own. Embellish a little. “Little Philip exclaimed ‘Oh, heavens!’ and accidentally knocked his bowl of sauerkraut all over the bearskin carpet. The small countryside shack suddenly took on an unpredictably dark atmosphere, and his parents’ brows simultaneously furrowed. ‘Philip,’ they said in eerie unison. ‘You have caused us great displeasure…’ ”
7) Then Who Was Phone?
This story is an Internet classic that was created in response to the surge of thrilling, entertaining Creepypastas a few years ago. It doesn’t disappoint:
“So ur wid yo honi and ur makin out wen the phone ringz. U ansr it n da voice sayz “wut r u doin wit ma daughter?” u tel ur girl n she say “ma dad is ded.” THEN WHO WAS PHONE?”
Once you get past the fact that this story is only barely intelligible, you realize that the shock factor runs deep. This is a story that will cause all you happy campers to break out in a decidedly cold sweat.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
It’s hard incorporating bad grammar into real-world speech, but with a little practice you can translate your forced dyslexia into a severe handicap on your story-telling ability. Talk like you suck at talking, but maintain the undertone of grave importance. After saying “ma dad is ded,” rise slowly from your seat and look around at all of your listeners, and then quietly whisper “… then who was phone?”
6) The Bully
This story was found while reading some of what Stephanie Springer had to say on the subject of scary stories that suck. I think this story tends to shine above its peers–it falls into the archetype of the tormented protagonist.
“The protagonist was a little boy who was being picked on by a girl bully. He got her in trouble and then she threatened to make him pay. Kate never got the chance. She suddenly got sick and died.”
Sure, there’s more to the story, but why not just end it there? A bully torments a kid and then gets sick and dies! That’s pretty damn scary, innit? Karma, that’s what I say. Taken to an extreme. That’s the scary part. Hey, don’t tease that kid about his glasses or you’ll freakin’ die.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
“Once there was a little boy who was picked on by a little girl,” you say. “And do any of you know what happened to the little girl?” Watch as they all shake their heads. You lean in to the fire a little, illuminating your face. “The little brat freaking got sick and died.”
5) Russian-fied Stories
Don’t ask me where they started or if they’ve ended, but sometimes it works to take a classic campfire story and tell it again, just from the point of view of a Russian man. Rework a few key plot points, make the setting Moscow, and you’re in business.
“You are home to watch Pravda on televisir about degenerate murderer who is on the loose. You look out the window door to beet field, and you notice Man standing in the snow. He look like foto on televisir and he smile at you. You gulp vodka, picking up fone to your right and dialing Local Militia Precinct Commissar. Back out the glass you look, pressing fone to ear. Notice he now closer to you. You drop vodka in shock.No footprints in snow. It was reflection. You dullard! Your apartment is bulldozed down to make way for glorious tractor factory.”
See? Just as thrilling as the original if not more so! And the ending change heightens the Russian experience.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
I don’t have a good Russian accent, but assuming you do, just make sure you remember the acronym “KGB” — Kiev, Gulag, and Booze. Three words that should probably be in your story.
4) The Heron
This story has stuck with me for quite some time. Out of all the punishments promised at the end of scary stories, The Heron’s threat is by far the most bizarre and bloodcurdling.
“I am a heron. I have a long neck and I pick fish out of the water with my beak. If you don’t repost this comment on 10 other pages, I will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans.”
But that’ll take forever to clean up!
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
The Heron is your ticket. Talk him up a lot. Become the heron. “I have a long neck,” you say, “and I pick fish out of the water… with my beak.” That feat in itself is astonishing. But by golly if your campmates don’t reblog your post at least ten times, you’ll make a huge ass mess of their pots and pans–really drive home that point. It’s all about being in character for this one.
3) John Stalvern
This story surfaced on Reddit as well, and a casual commenter remarked that he had kept reading in the hopes that it would end half as well as it started, but slowly degraded into a horrifically shitty story. That’s why it’s up here.
“John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn’t see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad “I want to be on the ships daddy.” Dad said “No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS” There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons. “This is Joson” the radio crackered. “You must fight the demons!” So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall. “HE GOING TO KILL US” said the demons “I will shoot at him” said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill. “No! I must kill the demons” he shouted The radio said “No, John. You are the demons” And then John was a zombie.”
This is Dead Space gone freaking apeshit. Not only is John Stalvern fighting zombies–he’s fighting demons. And I think Stalvern is a protagonist that–can it be?–we can relate to! I fight zombie demons on a daily basis, and I aspire to be a ship base protector for the space fleet of… Cernel… Joson…
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
Well this one’s got the potential to be fantastic, but you’ve really got to capture that space feeling. Exude that atmosphere. There are blaring alarms, ceaseless sirens, and the air is thick with anxiety. The airlock doors are losing their pressurization and all around you, demons are gathering to bring about your certain demise. Tell them what happens to John Stalvern. Tell them.
2) The Gypsy Blood Girl’s Ghost Host
This story is told in the cult-style of “numerous spelling mistakes” and is clearly better off for doing so. It is a tragic story told from a third-party perspective.
“Well you see, my best friend lives down the street and her family comes from a bad bad I guess you could say. Her mother has gypsy blood in her. Her mother has connections to spirits and very strong senses. She is not phycic though. My friends brother use to talk to a spirit when he was little but my friend was not like that. Now though she is like that. For the past week she has been telling me how she fears she is going crazy but i’m telling her she’s just pariniod. This fear she has all started when evertime she takes a bath the lights flicker. This sounds crazy too, but she fears she is being watched all the time and her cat acts weird. So lat night she was up around 2 in the night and went to bed. She heard a noise and freaked out and noticed that a picture of her was missing. When she went over to look the picture had scratches on it and was burned at the bottom. She was crying telling me this and showed me the picture. She is a ghost host you see, and the spirit obviously does not like her. This doesn’t sound scary but imagine it happended to your friend. I can’t believe it, like I fell this is not real but it is. Believe it if you want, it doesn’t matter to me.”
Imagine if this happended to your friend. Just imagine it. This is a crazy, roller coaster ride of a tale that is sure to bring your campmates to the brink of insanity, no less. They will literally go fetal by the end. I did.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
Enunciate the spelling mistakes because they add to the story. “She is not phycic though.” “She’s just pariniod.” “Evertime she takes a bath the lights flicker.” And please, oh please, get the attitude right at the end. Hold up a hand and say, mustering up every ounce of your sass, “Believe it if you want, it doesn’t matter to me.”
1) The Day Of All The Blood
This story was written by a seven year old and it tops everything everyone has done ever. It made me wet my pants with feelings that I couldn’t properly identify.
“THIS IS THE STORY OF A DAY WHERE THERE WAS ALL THIS BLOOD. A MAN WAS WALKING AROUND AND BLOOD STARTED COMING OUT OF HIM EVERYWHERE. THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD THAT IT FILLED UP AN ELEVATOR. HE WENT TO THE STORE AND THERE WAS JUST BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE! PEOPLE WERE SLIPPING IN IT AND THEY WERE ALL GROSSED OUT. HE TRIED TO GO SWIMMING AND ALL OF THE SHARKS WENT NUTS AND BITTENED EVERYBODY. HE GOT CHASED BY ALL THE VAMPIRES EVER. ONE TIME THE BLOOD GOT A KID AND A DOG. AT THE END OF THE DAY EVERYONE DECIDED THEY WOULD SEND HIM TO SPACE SO THAT HE WOULD STOP GETTING BLOOD EVERY WHERE. THE SCARIEST PART IS THAT THE MAN WAS YOU!!! (OR HE WAS A LADY IF YOU ARE A LADY) AND YOU FORGOT THAT THIS HAPPENED”
And you forgot this happened…? Think about it. That could be anyone of us. Any one of you readers could have experienced these traumatic events and completely forgotten about them. This is a master work in horror and deserves to fill the top spot on this list, undoubtedly.
How You Should Tell It Around The Campfire
Talk like you’re speaking in all caps, and by that I mean scream. From the very moment you begin to the moment you end, maintain the same decibel range–stay in the neighborhood of 90-120. Shout in your campmates’ ears. And on the last line, take note that there is technically no period, and that means that your sentence is never over. So let your words, your tone, your message ring constantly in their ears, and let them experience true terror like no one has ever felt it before.
Thanks so much for reading!
-Thom
aestheism, not atheism.
A Little Perspective
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