A Little Perspective From Tom Church

Top Ten Cartoon Pigs

I recently came to the realization that I can potentially make a top ten list for literally anything. Potato recipes, torture methods, even methods of insulting your elders. But today’s list will focus on cartoon pigs, and my personal favorites.

Keep in mind that these pigs are ones I’ve grown with and loved. I won’t list a pig if I don’t know jack about it, so I (regrettably) can’t talk about Porco Rosso, Natalie Porkman, or “Treat Heart Pig” from the Care Bears animated series.

10) Nago, Princess Mononoke

Most animated shows or movies tend to go with the “cute” pig approach, but Studio Ghibli went ahead and spun that around for their (relatively) edgy release Princess Mononoke. Nago was a giant, wild boar who rampaged into town and was eventually subdued by the locals. It was revealed that Nago was aggravated because he’d previously been shot by Lady Eboshi. His rage caused him to literally become somewhat demonic, setting the stage for the movie.

Nago is a tribute to badass pigs everywhere. He shatters the cutesy pig stereotype, and even helps represent the primeval and retaliatory side of nature in the movie. Come to think of it, he’s probably the only pig on this list with any depth at all. Cute pigs are just better.

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9) Card Wars Pig, Adventure Time

This one is important because of its tangible strategic value. No other pig has had this much tactical importance before, and I think that after this episode of Adventure Time aired, a kind of global understanding of a common pig’s tactical usefulness was suddenly conceived. This pig occurred in an episode called “Card Wars,” which was all about a holographic card game mimicking todays’ Magic: The Gathering or Yu-Gi-Oh and the like. When Finn “floops” the pig, it eats all of Jake’s corn, which translates to Jake losing vital energy and support for his troops; ultimately, this episode’s blatant wisdom led to the Pig Flooping Act of 2013, and the world witnessing a drastic decline in world hunger and street crime.

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8) Inoshikacho, Dragon Ball

This porcine selection is actually part boar, part deer, and part butterfly, all in one. Its name comes from the card game Hanafuda: Koi Koi, where it is possible to match up all three of the aforementioned animals to achieve the Boar-Deer-Butterfly (Ino-shika-cho) combo. But in Dragon Ball, it’s just a big conglomerate of all three animals. In the show, Inoshikacho was actually a cute little purple pig, but it was raised under the negative influence of Master Shen, and grew up to be a rampaging douche. It just makes me wonder how it would’ve turned out with a little care and nourishment. All of us are products of our environments–even pigs.

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7) Peppa, Peppa Pig

Peppa is from a kids’ TV series that hails from the UK. And while I am not particularly familiar with her show, I am familiar with her personality and her way of handling particularly displeasing situations. I feel like Peppa has a very humanistic and sassy side to her that not many pigs have attempted to, or accurately, portrayed. Watch the video below to see what I mean:

6) Hen Wen, The Black Cauldron

Hen Wen is an unlikely sidekick on an epic adventure. The Black Cauldron is just a fantastic movie, and Taran and Eilonwy by themselves are great characters, but I’m sure you’re already aware that things go better when they involve pigs. While she’s not with Taran for the entirety of the movie, she does manage to be especially helpful: she is oracular, meaning she has the power to prophesy certain events and view Taran from afar. Coolest damn magic pig I’ve ever seen.

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5) Spoink, Pokemon

How could you not love Spoink? Erin fell in love with Spoink the minute I gave her Pokemon Ruby Version for the GBA. On her travels, she came across a gray-and-purple pig with a spring for an ass and a little pink ball on its head. And the way she doted on it caused both of us to fall in love with it (I was falling in love all over again). Spoink is cute, bouncy, and he’s also psychic, which to me is the most badass Pokemon move type. Spoink is the ultimate pig Pokemon, beating out Tepig… and… Mankey? A pig monkey? And… Swinub? A… small… uh…

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4) Pig, The Legend of Zelda Games

The pigs in the Zelda games are special. They don’t… do much, really, but they’re special nonetheless. They’re cute, and they’re funny–one of the villagers in Windfall Island actually says that one of his pigs is “special” and doesn’t respond to human contact by running away. The definition of “special” can kind of be interpreted as… negative. Ultimately, I viewed the pigs as fun-loving, perhaps small-brained, additions to the scenery, and it was always fun trying to catch one by crawling around and sneaking up on them. They were also very useful sometimes because tossing bait caused them to dig a hole and unearth very important treasures. Fascinating little creatures.

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3) Piglet, Winnie-The-Pooh

We can never forget the classics. I love Piglet. He’s a worrisome and tender little fellow who would follow Pooh to the ends of the earth. That kind of loyalty and devotion is unparalleled by any other pig in the entire cosmos. A wonderfully gentle and surprisingly quaint little fellow, Piglet is a fantastic pig.

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2) Tonton, Naruto

Tonton is an amazing pig in my eyes. She’s not only Shizune and Tsunade’s sidekick–she’s like, their mutual best friend. She’s an adorable little pig with a little sweater and even a pearl necklace and she can sniff out danger and aid in the combat by running supplies and medical equipment around on her stubby legs. She works so hard that sometimes Shizune even has to patch her up. She’s a spunky little pig.

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1) Waddles, Gravity Falls

We love Waddles. Everyone loves Waddles. The pig practically embodies the image of a cute, lovable, cartoon pig. It’s small and silly and it’s the perfect partner for Mabel, who likes to be goofy and weird and throw parties with Waddles and stuff. The episode where Dipper gives up a shot at dating his crush so that Mabel can keep Waddles is a truly glorious moment in the show’s history, and the addition of Waddles to the show is nothing short of brilliance.

MABEL, WADDLES

There you have it! Some truly awesome pigs. Here are some runners-up:

Babe (Babe)

Oolong (Dragon Ball; bit too pervy and humanlike for my taste)

The Pig character (Adventure Time; Erin says his barritone voice ruins it… but I like him)

Porky Pig (Looney Tunes)

That’s it for today. And while today’s top ten list was suited to a very specific niche in the broad spectrum of human interests, I assure you there’ll be more to come–perhaps ones that are even more general.

-Thom
aestheism, not atheism.

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