A Little Perspective From Tom Church

Hello.

Some people recently have been subjected to a particularly painful anecdote of mine, from when I was but a young, bashful sixth grader.

And now, the Internets will be forced to accept (not necessarily enjoy) the very same anecdote.

I’ve come prepared. I am not merely telling the story. I ‘ve made a webcomic (using cheezburger.com’s memebuilder function) that I’m thinking the majority of trolls, web-browsing fanatics, and cheezburger.com fans will understand:

 

 

So here’s how the story goes.

One day, in sixth grade, maybe the third week of school, I was sitting alone at lunch. And that was okay. I was a new kid, not just to middle school but to the state. And so I knew nobody.

I was understandably a bit bored, and also somewhat sad. I had no friends, and sitting alone is one of the most effective ways to be made aware of that.

For some reason, the yearbook photographer lady was there that day. A week before, I was approached by an elderly woman, who started off by saying:

“You don’t have any friends, do you?”

No. No I didn’t.

“Well, that’s okay. Just look over your prospects for a while, find out which group you fit into best.”

“Thanks.” She left.

The yearbook lady approached me, alone at a table… not even any food on it. I’d eaten my whole lunch in the first ten minutes. I was forced to sit for thirty minutes every day, alone. My backpack was on the floor.

“Smile,” she said cheerily.

I tried slumping casually, in a nonchalant and cool kind of way. My bright red, fuzzy hoody had sleeves that were too long, and they almost covered my hands completely. And my haircut sucked.

It was a gut-wrenching moment of embarrassment that jumped me a little. But then it was over.

Until the yearbook came out.

I was mortified. I was depicted as a small, scrawny, nerdy little twerp in a decent-sized picture on the sixth-grade collage-of-pictures page.

I shit a brick.

-Thom
aestheism, not atheism.

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Comments on: "Painful Anecdote (Thom’s Thoughts)" (2)

  1. how very unfortunate

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