A Little Perspective From Tom Church

This post is all about milk.

And dairy, too, since milk goes… goes into that stuff. I think.

Milk has always been my favourite drink. Better than soda, better than limeades and frostees and slushies and all that other crap. Milk is wonderful. I could bathe in it.

My only regret is that it goes sour.

I’ve drank sour milk before. It’s not horrible. It just makes me feel sick.

Anyways. Milk is refreshing. I play basketball sometimes and then come inside and drink half a gallon of milk. Not even skim milk, either. Like, 2% reduced fat. Sometimes whole.

I don’t comprehend the difference between different fat-percentages of milk. I think it’s kind of strange. I always viewed it like this. Skim is 0% fat. Then there’s 1%, just a little fat. Then 2%, a bit more… and then is whole milk, like, a hundred times a jug of 1%? Is it like, so thick it’s just a big glob of gelatinous mass? What the hell is it?

It’s nothing like any of that, I guess, I don’t really know. I don’t drink it often.

I like chocolate milk. Not just ANY though. There are good and bad kinds. First off, the kinds you can buy in stores, pre-made jugs, are the BEST kinds if you want sweet stuff. Those things are freaking loaded. But when it comes to powders, Nesquik is okay. I like Ovaltine too, but it was better when it was less granulated and powdery. They really jumped on the “powder” bandwagon aspect of most chocolate milk.

Hershey’s Syrup milk is the dumbest kind of chocolate milk. Hands-down. You can put as much of the shit as you want into your milk, it’s still gonna taste like sweet, tangy chocolate-covered garbage. Don’t even bother. That stuff is reserved for ice cream, bitches.

Chocolate soy milk is okay, but that’s not even dairy, so whatever.

Erin and I like Strawberry Banana Nesquik milk. It’s really good. It’s off the damn hook. And strawberry by itself is pretty euphoric too.

Yogurts, cheeses, butters… all that stuff is good, too. I Can’t Believe it’s not Butter is a bit mediocre, and I’m pretty sure it’s made of dog paste (ground up puppies) and dead grass clippings, but hey. It tastes almost exactly like butter.

Oikos Greek Yogurt is bananas. No, not made with bananas- like, Gwen Stefani bananas. Amazing. Spectacular. Don’t try other kinds of Greek Yogurt.

Put granola in your yogurt. Not Quaker Oats granola bars, like, store-bought little containers of vanilla-flavoured granola. You won’t regret that.

Trix is good, too. Who doesn’t like Trix yogurt. Trix cereal, on the other hand, is nonsense. In a bad way.

Butter is butter. Land of Lakes is butter. Butter is good.

There. Dairy. Eat it.

-Thom
aestheism, not atheism.

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Comments on: "How Milk Affects My Life (Thom’s Thoughts)" (3)

  1. i have to disagree with your bit about the Greek Yogurt. Chobani is THE BEST. :)

  2. How can one hate trix cereal D:?!?

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