A Little Perspective From Tom Church

Neopets is, at best, a game designed for young kids to enjoy and aspire to be something great. To get an Almighty Paintbrush and paint your pet and play games until you croak, I guess.

Well, I’m addicted, and I’m also twice the age range for this bitch.

I spend a couple of hours every so often trying to locate on the Internet a working version of the elusive Neopoints Generator. This supposedly real thing generates Neopoints and stuff, I don’t know. I can’t find it, it’s frustrating when you wanna cheat and you can’t.

Neopets is gay and mean to me. I’ve gotten so annoyed with the Pet aspect that I literally let my pet (Monteuge… how the hell did I come up with that name) rot in a damn crockpot of shame. His hit points are 0 and his hunger is *dying*. He constantly complains and tells me to feed him, and I tell him to eat sh-

Sorry, I shouldn’t say things like that. I have this weird pet and Erin has this great one, a Gnorbu named Serfus (a name we came up with, we thought it’d be good for a pig). And she loves it and I love it more than my own. I want a Poogle. But that’s irrelevant.

What I like about Neopets is that with a bit of diligence, you can make a lot of Neopoints. But I have no diligence. So, relatively, my Neopoints are complete bogus.

I have a shop, and you can use shops to sell your stuff… well, I wanted to make a profit off some purchased things. I bought two ‘potions’ amounting to 60,000 Neopoints. I found out their combined value is little over 6,000. I cried for days and refused to come out of my room. I pissed out my window and cried, cried, cried.

I have an opportunity to make a new Neopet- I have a tab pulled up right now. However, I realize in the pits of my bowels that I’ll probably end up despising this one, too. No matter how neat-o he is to begin with.

Shit. The name my_milkshake is taken.

Here are some other names I’ve attempted:


All of these are taken. So, keep that in mind whenever you choose to play next. I’ll try to avoid a post on Neopets in the future… for everyone’s convenience.

aestheism, not atheism.


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