A Little Perspective From Tom Church

I have the weirdest thoughts after a long week of school.

Some of them are just weird. I was writing in a journal I keep the other day and I wrote out a list of pure erratic nonsense- but that wasn’t even the weirdest part. I wrote afterward “I promise I wrote that list out in under a movie.” Then I realized I meant “under a minute” and smacked myself.

But some are thoughts that are just kind of out-there, Tommyknocker epiphanies. For example, while listening to Coffee Shop Soundtrack, I decided every song should have an acoustic version (for when you’re sleepy) and then thought: what if all iTunes songs were actually split files? Split so that, from your iPod, you could click over to an option that allows you to choose STUDIO or ACOUSTIC? Then you could swap the song over to whichever you’re in the mood for and listen… it’d be a lot of work for bands and record labels, but it’d be worth it for listeners.

This made me briefly pursue the guitar tabs for Coffee Shop Soundtrack, and after strumming it out sloppily and rigidly, I threw up and slipped in it and took a bath.

How about an acoustic-electric guitar that has an amp cord that can connect to computers? This cord will connect it like a device, and then you log into a website (this website will probably be the guru of the trade, much like iTunes is the bigshot of music and Netflix is the douchebag of movies and shows) and download a song to your guitar. Then your frets light up showing you the chords, and your screen tells you specifically what you need to do: bend strings, stick capos on frets, et cetera. It’d work, wouldn’t it? It’d be expensive as all hell but it’s the future of tabbing. Also it’d tell you what notes you’re actually playing, for God’s sake.

I can also play a few piano songs, just a few. Very, very slowly.

Okay, one more Tommyknocking thought: robotic spiders that are controlled manually that infiltrate other spider lairs and nests within a household and set off multiple insecticides. MUAHAHA.

We’ve had bug problems.

aestheism, not atheism.


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