A Little Perspective From Tom Church

The other day, I called into a radio show, marking my first time ever.

It was really not that exciting.

Now, don’t think this post won’t be. I’ll try telling you every little detail about my time wasted talking to ridiculous disc jockeys. I swear, deejays don’t know how to conduct radio broadcasts anymore. I used to live in Missouri, and 97.3 featured a hilarious morning show, Bob and Tom. And it was the funniest shit ever.

Here, they have very bad radio reception- very bad, actually. Sometimes it’s just fuzz, and you can barely make out “Girl you lookin’ so fine” through all of it, and you’re like, “Oh, Shit Shtation,” and then you change it. Like, 90% of the FM stations are R&B, which to me can be the world’s biggest buzzkill, or the funniest thing ever.

But this one… well, to be honest, I don’t know which station I actually called into. Or, I didn’t at the time. I looked it up using one of the DJ’s names in Google and found out that it’s Star 98.3.

The question was: “What are men better at women at in the workplace?”

The question was worded horribly, I think. People called in and I listened intently to the radio:

“Being the boss.”
“Being attentive.”
“Smelling good.”
“Dressing appropriately.”
“Being honest.”

Okay. Bit sexist, but I remember being kind of confused because five of those seven responses were from women. Plus, oddly enough, the DJs, after each commercial break, and before playing the rollback of the people’s responses they recorded, would say something along these lines:

“Guys, really. Do you know how annoying it is to have to delete rollback of you guys? Keep the responses appropriate, we don’t want to hear any fantasies.”


The prize was two tickets to the weekend Ravens game, and even though I didn’t want the prizes, I kind of just wanted to find out what it felt like to be aired on the radio. After calling from two different cell phones for about thirty minutes, over and over, I got in on one:

DJ: “What’s your guess?”
Me: “Using a urinal?”
DJ: “Nnnhhhaaaahhh…”

Really, I was kind of creeped out by the way he chose to say no. It sounded like he was leaking something out of his mouth. He hung up before I could tell everyone listening that my name was Thom Caulfield and that they should read aestheism.wordpress.

The answer? No one guessed it. The tickets went wasted, I think. People went on guessing:

“Being smart?”
“Being funny.”
“Making friends.”
“Doing paperwork and reports.”
“Being nice.”
“Not horseplaying.”

Literally, I couldn’t think of anything that men do better than women in the workplace. I really didn’t care. I recorded my voice when they played it back, using my cellphone.

Bitches. Their question sucked.

Afterwards, I went home and Googled the question just to see if there was some sort of real answer. The first three answers I saw (none were related to the radio show) were:

1) Being intelligent
2) Being competitive
3) Being bosses

I was like, yeah, whatever. If that’s true, explain Michael and Jan on The Office.

That’s right. You can’t.

-Thom, aestheism not atheism.




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