A Little Perspective From Tom Church

My family wanted to go see a movie, and they all agreed on Planet of the Apes,

AND I SAID NO. I’m saving that one for Erin and I, because of Tom Felton and all. And we think Planet of the Apes is comical.

But anyways, they all decided that instead, we’d go to Cowboys and Aliens, and I could really care less which movie we watched. Going to movies is fun, and not going to see Apes and saving it for Erin is also fun.

We went to the theater and our parents dropped us off. They were going to get mom’s ring sized or something, and we were like, whatever. We bought popcorn and drinks and candy and such, and then went into the theater.

First off, did anyone know a new Eddie Murphy movie is coming out? I thought he was retired or dead or something. But he isn’t either, he’s going to be in a movie called Tower Heist, where he and Ben Stiller (and even Matthew Broderick, the washed-up old bastard!) form a crew of people that decide to steal twenty million dollars.

What the hell, right?

He plays a kindergarten friend of Ben Stiller who became a robber and is in jail a lot. So, basically, he’s in one of those easy-as-shit-’cause-I-live-this roles.

The movie started, and I was grimly pleased with the action sequences and barfights. Dan Craig had the ominous, Clint Eastwood-type demeanor that Western fans dig, and when Harrison Ford came in, he was very much of a badass.

Now, I’m not going to give away the whole movie, I’m sure there are some of you that maybe want to see this movie. I’ll just give you three quick spoilers, that are really rather harmless:

ONE. OLIVIA WILDE IS AN ALIEN THAT EATS HARRISON FORD.
TWO. DANIEL CRAIG IS GAY IN THIS MOVIE.
THREE. THE ALIENS ARE MARSHMALLOW PEOPLE.

See? Inoffensive spoilers.

No, the movie was good. Guys’d like it, anyway, for the guns and the explosions and shit. Girls may like it, but you know. I guess guys are more about the awesome factor, and Olivia Wilde (She’s totally a Megan Fox look-alike. I’m not a big fan of supposedly “hot” celebrities… ask Erin). But I enjoyed it, it was a movie.

-Thom

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Comments on: "A Modest Review of Cowboys and Aliens (Thom’s Thoughts)" (4)

  1. Ben~Jamin said:

    Sorry for only doing a 4 star, my itouch spazzed out and was like “why do u want this to be a five star review?” and I literally screamed at my itouch and said “f*** u! These guys are the best at writing everything so f*** you itouch, and the person who built you 2!

    • Oh, why thank you very much. Your eff filled response has sufficently made my morning. I am very okay with your iPod. After all, it’s allowed you to write comments and read…although it’s a little f***. ;)
      -Erin

  2. AT first I thought that movie was just stupid but now that I’ve read this I am kind of interested in seeing it.

  3. Olivia Wilde is the only reason I was going to see that movie. Have you noticed she’s come out in a lot of movies lately? Also, I’ve always disliked Malfoy so seeing him get beaten up by a bunch of apes should be satisfying. Thanks for the like the other day guys :) Keep on doing what you’re doing! Oh Thom, there’s a dance at my school next weekend and i’m thinking it’s the perfect time to introduce the west coast to “The Thom” dance ;)

    -Sunshine

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