A Little Perspective From Tom Church

Alright, so Erin and I were talking the other day, about Harry Potter. I said something was Ridikkulus.

She countered with a pun of her own, and then explained how Patrick didn’t like puns, and got angry.

I’m really obsessed with puns, so anyone being angry about it is a really unfortunate situation.

So, we started rattling off puns.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Some are really funny, but others kind of bomb. Par example, I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

Another bad one? The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

Gah! Ah!

Puns are punny, (see what I did?) and are great for awkward situations and cheering yourself (or others) up. They’re pretty juvenile, and that’s fine.

Speaking of pretty juvenile,


Well, yes, and no- yes because (uh, yes), and no because that wasn’t where I was going.

I was heading towards something more like this- I like things like puns (^obviously^), contradictions, riddles, and jokes (however gay they may be).

Contradictions are rarely funny, and because of that, they aren’t popular, at all. They don’t mess with your mind, you don’t have to think about them for more than a few seconds (unless you’re speculating on how awful the contra is), and they’re really just a slap in the face of modernized language-twists.

But I like them, okay?

Here’s an example of an awful contra:

(a) Mr. Pheeper is my friend
(b) All my friends are good people.
(c) Mr. Pheeper is an atheist.
(d) All atheists are bad people.

(goddit off a website- http://www.csus.edu/indiv/m/mayesgr/phl4/Handouts/phl4contradiction.htm)

But back to the main thing: wasn’t it awful? It’s logical, but at the same time it’s not, because “all atheists are bad people” and “all my friends are good people” are both realistically false statements. So you can’t just say “all my friends are good,” pick the worst religion of them, and then say that religion’s awful and that they’re a bad person for being… Protestant or something. It’s unfair, and plus you create a contra if you said it like the above idiot (who’s got a friend named Mr. Pheeper?).

But it was worth reading, right?

Alright, fine, God, stop swearing, yo.

Speaking of yo, here’s a totally racist joke that I don’t approve of.

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, “Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?” The other replies, “Well I don’t
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are what you are.” The next day he said to the other
zebra, “I still don’t understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are.” The second zebra responds, “You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is.”

… What?

So we’re assuming that black people not only say “you is” instead of “you are,” but they shorten “you” to “yo.”

Funny joke, you insensitive bitch! I HAVE BLACK FRIENDS.

So that brings us to riddles.

What has two legs and bleeds a lot? (NOT SEXUAL, I SWEAR. IN A WAY IT’S WORSE)


Half a cat.

Chekan (my English teacher) would probably hate me for telling that joke-riddle, but I was intent on finding a bad example for everyone. And that’s a terrible example, isn’t it? It’s kinda terrible. Chekan is into lolcats and videos of cats riding turtles. He showed us one in class today. He also showed us a video I’d seen before, which I proclaimed was stupid before he played it, and he called me stupid, which is against teacher-student rules. I checked.

Aestheism, not atheism.


Comments on: "Cognac and Cheese Fries" (3)

  1. HAHAHAHAHHA. Just read this. Chekan has to read our blog once we’re not his students anymore.

  2. Chekan should read this NOW! i looovvveee how you looked it up x)

  3. sunshine:) said:

    Haha im really jealous! Mrs. Curran never told us cat jokes! It’s probably cuz she’s secretly a cat lady….just kidding I love Mrs. Curran. Heather likes checking Mr. Chekan out :)

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