A Little Perspective From Tom Church

Reviews and Anecdotes?

Seeing as no one views this anyways, these are more posts to myself than anybody, but that’s okay. THEY WILL FLOCK LIKE DOVES.

I’ve written up a review (All Time Low’s Nothing Personal) and an anecdote (Palm Sunday). They’re kind of fun, but a bit draining. I’ll get around to more.

What I really wanted to write about in this post (disregard the title) is the pointlessness of everday things.

Driving home from church today, I saw this sign with this frazzled-looking hispanic woman on it, with her head propped up on one hand. She looked at me like, “Tom. Help me, please? I’m pretty confused, I can’t figure out this really difficult math question.” The heading read: “Pregnant and Scared?”

“Yes,” I said out loud, confusing my parents and brothers. None even bothered asking what I was replying to. After that brief period of awkwardness, I got back to thinking about the sign. Pregnant and scared. First off, who’s pregnant? I googled how many people in the world are pregnant at one time, on average. On answers.com, some random guy calculated it using figures like .75 (3/4 of a year for pregnancy) and 135 million babies born in 2008, yada-yada. The average is 100 million people on Earth are pregnant at one time.

What percent of those people are in the US? Probably less than forty, and that’s being generous. I can probably bring it down to twenty.

Assuming it’s down to twenty, bring it down further for the people in Maryland. That percentage becomes 1/50 of 20%, in a semi-logical world, which is .4% of all women that are pregnant live in Maryland.

Of course these calculations are a bit off, but I’m giving you readers the illusion that they’re real. OKAY?! So .4% of all pregnant women are in Maryland. It gets even slimmer, though, once you narrow it down to counties.  Let’s say… 0.015 percent, or so. That actually seems sort of ballpark.

NOW. LET’S GET CRAZY. How many of those women do you think are scared? Probably not many, right? I’m sure there are lots of planned pregnancies and things that actually turn out just swell for the couple, and all. Not everybody starts off with an unplanned pregnancy.

So that makes it slimmer. And how many do you think pass the sign? EVEN SLIMMER. HOW MANY DO YOU THINK HAVE ALREADY CALLED SOMEBODY OR CONTACTED SOMEONE? EVEN SLIMMER!

All of those calculations bring it down to practically ONE PERSON. What a waste of money, I mean, really! That sign probably cost the local government a good seven or eight hundred dollars!

And the pregnant person is ME.

-Thom

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Comments on: "Reviews and Anecdotes?" (3)

  1. Jaso, that creepy guy said:

    That’s why they use quantity, not quality to get the message out to those who ARE pregnant and scared. I see those signs all over the place. Plus, even planned pregnancies can be a little scary, or so i’ve heard.

  2. Rawlings said:

    And the person who GOT you pregnant is ME…….

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